I had my annual skin check earlier this week.
I really wish I could’ve skipped the entire experience.
I enjoy these exams about as much as going to the dentist or that other annual exam I wish I could ignore.
You know the one ladies, as it also involves one of those crinkly paper hospital gowns–that are about as useful as a flashlight is to a blind man. (God knows they provide about as much warmth as one.) Which of course leaves one freezing, waiting for the doctor, because let’s face it, I’ve never walked into a hospital or doctor’s office where the thermostat wasn’t set to sub-zero temperatures. Which of course meant that I was all goose-flesh when it came time for my exam.
Thirty minutes later I had a diagnosis of “this mole doesn’t look right we should have this biopsied” scenario.
All I could think was, “here I go again”.
I’ve been cast into that slightly uncomfortable, I just want to have this be over spot, I like to call, The Waiting Place.
Basically it’s Purgatory here on earth.
As I walked to my car despite the overcast day, I could feel the threat of skin cancer blaring down on me like the midday sun.
My heart felt heavy, and I’m pretty sure my eyes got all teary as I gave myself just a moment to accept that this is happening again.
The mole in question is in the same spot where I had a-typical cells during my last skin cancer biopsy which, I subsequently had removed. So if something’s grown back, I mused, It can’t be good.
To be honest, I’m feeling much more anxious about having to have this biopsy and the results this go-round. All I could keep thinking about where the statistics, as a Melanoma survivor, my risk remains higher that I can get it again, which is why I must be diligent about my skin examinations and use of sunscreen etc.
I’m trying not to think about it. Or talk about it. But it’s my skin. It’s kind of hard not to think about it, when you have no other choice but to live inside of it.
Still…My biopsy isn’t for about two weeks, so I’m certainly not going to go around moping or freaking out as that would do me about as much good as that paper gown did, but until I actually get the results it will be there, lingering in the back of my mind.
If you’re new to my blog or would care to read some of my other posts I’ve written on my experience, thoughts, products I use for my skin, and the topic of skin cancer, Melanoma, in general here are a few:
- Pale Is The New Tan August 2009
- Protecting My Skin July 2010
- To Be or Not To Be Skin Cancer July 2010
- The Waiting is Over July 2010
- Got Wet Skin? Need Sunscreen? No Problem! June 2011
- Melanoma Does Not Discriminate October 2012