I’m perplexed. Contemplative. And altogether in a non-rowdy-I just want to sit with a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine) and look up at the stars sorta mood. I’m sitting here listening to my little Evan fall asleep. It’s a series of hums and verbal non-sense that he’s done pretty much since birth. I find it ever so endearing, this little quirk of his; which has absolutely nothing to do with why I’m writing this at the moment, but I wanted to mention it just the same.
I’m feeling frustrated.
I wrote that first sentence up there as a tweet-and thought it would make a perfect opening to a post about what I’ve been thinking about today and then a moment ago, a perfect opening to discussing my complete and utter feeling of ineptness.
To begin for the better part of six hours I’ve been thinking about the duality of people. The hypocrisy of some. Those who claim to be upstanding God fearing, gospel quoting humans who partake on a regular basis in gossip and such utter and complete nonsense.
People whom I want to trust-but who I feel I’ve got to keep at arms reach.
It’s disappointing. It really is. I’m done talking about it.
I mentioned a moment ago that I’ve been feeling inept. It’s because I am as I also stated-frustrated.
I’m frustrated because for weeks I’ve been wanting to sit down and put word to paper but I’ve not written a single word .
First I was spinning around, then I got sick and now with trying to get the house in order to sell and dealing with the day to day things by the time I sit down to write I’m exhausted and feeling pretty much like a failure.
Then I think to myself ,You’re making up excuses.
You’ve got plenty of time-you’re head isn’t in the game.
I’ve got to get my head in the game.
I need to clear my head.
Thus the feeling like I could go outside and sit on my deck with a glass of something and just look up. The world out there is so much bigger-my head trips are trivial in the grand scheme of things.
It’s perspective and determination I’m lacking at the moment. I keep telling myself, You’ll write again, once things settle down. When you aren’t standing before a big change.
The only problem I have with this thought train is this…
The world keeps spinning, the trains keep coming and going and I need to jump onto another train of thought. I’m not particularly fond of where this one is headed.
Oh…In case you were wondering, Evan has just drifted off to sleep.
Love & Starry Skies,